Country Girl

wow… reminds me of the past…
1. seduce and charm the victim
2. isolate the victim

i am so glad that he could never keep a job, and we could never move away. or i would probably not be where i am today. ugh. it is not always physical abuse, many times it is mental abuse. be aware of the signs. when i left, i was told he would come for me and kill me if i ever, ever started seeing one of his friends. he was a troubled man. he had been hurt by his ex, he had been abandoned in a way by his father, and found friends that were the worst influences and also just as troubled, if not more so than he was. it took me years to get past that, i don’t think i fully was able to step over that until 3 years after the break up. although i was over him within 6 months to a year, i still had nightmares of him being there, anywhere, outside at night, holding a gun (of which he has many). and here all i had was a switch blade, that my best friend let me borrow. even after i was capable of letting that go, i was still scarred and looked for similar characteristics in other men. but, here today.. i have found a wonderful man who cares deeply for me and love has become fun. <3 not a nightmare, not a stressful day to day struggle, walking on egg shells. no more being accused: of cheating because i was wearing makeup), wearing nice clothes, etc. no more being belittled: because of how smart i am, of my interests just because he couldn’t understand it and was scared of it. no more pitying: the tear stricken face of a man who couldn’t escape himself, the physical anger of him punching holes in walls… etc.. and the only reason i left? because i was so physically and mentally exhausted of dealing with him and not being able to make a difference, because i couldn’t save him. not because he was being mentally abusive to me, just because i was tired. yet, i returned to him after months of him threatening me, of making me pity him through calling and holding a gun to his head crying, cocking the gun.. then hanging up. he eventually left me a couple months later finding a new girl, younger and naive with the same name as mine. i returned because i felt as though he had to initiate the ‘leaving’ or i would never be free. it worked. although i do not recommend that.